Wednesday, 1 December 2010
The article in the Telegraph is here, but since when do HMRC give this sort of 'tax advice'? Is this a new legislation or another made up policy they are surprising people with?
Desperation or greed? I say its both. In any case, don't pay them anything. Starve this beast. Paying tax is a two way street. They dont honour repayments, so they cant have tax. Here's an idea - offset it you cunts.
Businesses should complain to their MPs about HMRC again and again and again. Keep complaining until their ears bleed and they have to act and do something about this draconian monster.
Saturday, 20 November 2010
Saturday, 13 November 2010
Someone has contacted me and requested clarification on smoking. Are you planning to increase the duty of cigarettes depending on size?
Apparantly, HMRC will from January 2011 treat any cigarette longer than 8cm (excluding the tip) as a separate cigarette and in a further crackdown, any cigarette which is a further 3cm above the 8cm, will be treated as a third cigarette. Meaning any cigarette 12cm or longer will be treated as three cigarettes, not one. A normal cigarette excluding the tip is 6cm in length.
you fucking what? - which bean counting figure fucker conjured up this shite?
Unfortunately, as my reader currently smokes 30-40 a day, they cannot afford to pay twice or sometimes three times as much and are making plans to take regular trips to Amsterdam in 2011.
I'm no fucking expert but.., do you really want to drive the smoking population out of this country like you have done to the business sector? Will you only be happy when you can see the tumbleweed rolling across the streets? Are you part of Agenda 21's depopulation strategy? I hear that people are even refusing to be buried in the UK now because of your grave digging antics.
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Great picture stolen from Old Holborn's place.
Monday, 8 November 2010
The asswipes over at HMRC have been ordered (by the powers that be) that extended verification needs to be executed. Who knows why? Who cares?
In order to protect yourselves, if you haven't already, do the following;
1. Complain about extended or the legal certainty element. Although it is a complete charade and the complaints department is cross protective of itself, it may help to gather these documents.
2. After you reach the end of their shitty complaints procedure, you will be directed to the Adjudicator. Dont expect much from this shambles - the Adjudictor has been recruited by HMRC to check on itself. That's real impartial stuff isn't it?
3. Whilst your complaint is with the Adjudicator, contact your local MP and ask for their help with regards to the Parliamentary Ombudsman. They will send you a form, or write to HMRC, or both.
4. Once the Adjudicator does the cross-protecting thing and sticks up for HMRC with no real argument, you can then take your case to the Parliamentary Ombudsman.
At the end of it all - I bet you get a decision?
Friday, 5 November 2010
An HMRC spokesman said: "Bernadette Kenny, director general personal tax, is leaving HMRC at the end of January after 5 years with the department. "Bernadette who has been a civil servant for 30 years, has decided that she would like to pursue other career opportunities.
Translation:- Bernadette Kenny is beyond useless and has fantastically failed in her job affecting over 6 million people which must be a record. She therefore needs to consider going into something else. Let's all keep an eye on which new authority will recruit her at the taxpayer's expense.
For the sake of the British Taxpayers and the greater good, she needs to just go home and stay there, making whatever mistakes she wants in her own kitchen.
Article is here
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
"HMRC is not able to provide the legal certainty you demand"
You what? I was not aware that there are different degrees or levels of legal certainty? Is the legal certainty requested different to any other? Either HMRC give legal certainty or they do not.
"HMRC must have the freedom to respond quickly to changing scenarios and their right to do so has been granted in law"
Bullshit. What about fairness, justice, rights, proportionality and legal certainty - all of these are missing in HMRC? Where does it say in law that these do not apply?
"HMRC are satisfied that their methods are legal and indeed have been successful where their methods have been challenged in the courts"
By their own admission, companies on extended are not able to challenge their process in the courts because no decision has been reached. (Other than a Judicial Review which we all know, HMRC make decisions on the doorstep). Each case is different with varying points of law and circumstances and HMRC should not be applying this sentence broadly (in this context) where legal certainty has been infringed.
If anyone else has any more examples of breathtaking arrogance from HMRC, then do get in touch so we can expose their contradictions and tyranny. Email me email@example.com
Tuesday, 2 November 2010
Oh Yipeee, there is another Seminar being held called "Tactics for Success" by BTG Tax (the same people from Vantis)
Although I would love to attend to see what shit shovelling exercise is now being fed to us, I would prefer to actually shovel real shit instead.
Bottom line:- Since the ruling at the Court of Appeal and during this 'interim' period between that and the Supreme Court, the biased and bigoted Tribunals are working on the balance of probabilities. With developing jurisprudence continuing on (because the law is an actual fucking ass), it would be better to keep your case on a slow burner until some fucking cunt actually applies the rule of law.
There is no point in pleading a case when there is no rule of law and your fate is decided on a balance of probabilities shrouded in opinion with no factual evidence.
Your solicitors and advisors will not tell you this. Seminar details here
Friday, 29 October 2010
An exciting new position has arisen within the HMRC department due to enhanced processes and aggressive targets
Chief Bureaucratic Officer (CBO)
Salary. £150k to £180k per annum
Permanent, full time post
To take a strategic lead of the illiberal officialism and development of Junior and middle management bureaucrats. To create new Quango processes for the efficiency of pen pushing and box ticking.
The candidate will develop policies for the policies already in place, and work in partnership with other policy implementers to deliver more sound policies by maximising productivity of those policies.
You must have:
* A minimum of 5 years’ experience of arguing, or whinging and whining. A dislike of the private sector would be a bonus.
* The ability to create suspicion and justify the unjustifiable.
* In addition to being disagreeable, being cynical is must.
* Solid understanding of how to strategically wriggle out of problems with borderline positioning within the law.
* Implement a stable, yet cross protective complaints department to cover for the plans implemented, thereby protecting the process and the staff.
* Excellent communication skills. Interpersonal skills desired although not essential.
* Enthusiasm, energy and a passion for micro managing at extreme autocratic levels.
We are looking for a candidate who has “the glass is half empty” outlook coupled with a unique ruthlessness for achieving the results. This position is suitable for anyone with longer term career aspirations of becoming a Eurocrat.
Full details of the above vacancy and an application form are available online at http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/
For an informal discussion about this post please contact Leslie Strathie or Dave Hartnett.
Closing date: 25 December 2010 Interview date: January 2011
Post number E22052128
Thursday, 28 October 2010
Wednesday, 27 October 2010
Hold on just a minute....
Has anyone thought of asking why HMRC did a deal with Vodafone?
Surely, if Vodafone struck a deal with HMRC, then it should be HMRC to account?
Can someone ask that overpaid, overfed wanker at HMRC Dave Hartnett why he saw fit to move the Vodafone case from his specialists and lawyers to find a softly softly approach to negotiate with Vodafone’s head of tax, John Connors.
Were John Connors and Dave Hartnett gay lovers or something?
In the end, Vodafone were billed for £800m and was decided without consulting HMRC’s litigators and specialists in the tax law. Oh and Dave also agreed that these dodgy arrangements could carry on into the future with a promise of no challenge from HMRC.
So this move from Dave "hypocrite" Hartnett is encouraging tax avoidance.
Does this mean that tax avoidance is only for a select few and the rest of us assholes get thugs at the door because we are not permitted to avoid?
What kind of double-standards and hypocrisy is this from HMRC or is it just a question of sucking the rights person's dick? (in this case the dick being Dave Harnett's)
Evasion is illegal and avoidance is legal, but HMRC will not differentiate between the two being the law-breakers that they are, they can get away with it.
So, if you've evaded tax, saved money, then there is a thug coming for you.
Note however, if you did it the legal way, you are more likely than not - going to lose even more money than the evaders.
The criminals at HMRC are now hiring the UK's skinhead group of thuggish clampers as they have fuck all else to do since the coalition's law changes on clamping. Now these bullies will be attacking you directly instead of your car.
HMRC can kiss my teeny, tiny little white ass!
Article is here
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
Saturday, 23 October 2010
Breaking great laws that were once written?
Of crafty deception and trickery...
Comes HMRC’s skullduggery.
HMRC Skullduggery Concept:-
Above the law we are today,
Causing grief and much dismay.
Pay us now or you will suffer,
If we owe you, we’ll be much tougher
Vat that is due, we will surely block
Law is a concept that we just mock
Its not fair and its not right
But we are the ones with all the might
Tax avoidance is now evasion
Tax advice is an unlawful occasion
Means to know or a J.S.L.
Working in the UK is living hell
Abuse of rights and verification
Causing grief and much frustration
Against the law? Yes, we know it is
But that’s what we do – we take the piss
Friday, 22 October 2010
Today's award is for HMRC's Chief Cocksucker.........
goes to...... Terry Mendez. The Chief Cocksucker of HMRC and Redhill's very own snake.
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
Friday, 15 October 2010
In organized crime there is a hierarchy, with higher-ranking members making decisions that trickle down to the other members of the "family".
HMRC act like the Mafia - both of these groups have goal alignment in their activities:-
1. The ultimate point of the Mafia is to make money. Same applies to HMRC.
2. Both groups use extortian, forcing people to give up their money by threatening them in some way.
3. The Mafia gives 'protection rackets' as part of their extorian scheme and HMRC use the 'public purse' as their justification. (public funds for quangos, gold plated pensions and extravagent expenses)
4. The Mafia makes money by participating in virtually any activity that is illegal. HMRC participate in every activity both legal and illegal (so they are worse)
5. The Mafia will hijack trucks and unload entire shipments of stolen goods. HMRC will take all vat reclaims and pocket those.
6. The current Mafia took centuries to develop. HMRC developed in 2005 and reached Mafia status within 12 months.
7. Both groups are so powerful that their criminal activities are never reported or acted upon.
Thursday, 30 September 2010
So with the news that a PCG poll found that 71 per cent of its members feel that HMRC should be spilt into two divisions, one for revenue and one for customs, this is welcoming news for the UK population and fantastic news for the economy.
Do it, do it, do it!!!!
Article is here.
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
Read it and weep.
Firms could be forced to send employees’ pay directly to the Government first so that officials can deduct the right amount of tax before earnings can be banked. Plans to replace the Pay As You Earn system – where companies calculate and withhold tax themselves – come after HM Revenue and Customs admitted billions of pounds are not being collected. Officials believe a more centralised system could help eradicate the current problem where nearly 10 per cent of cash owed to the Exchequer goes unpaid.
This is legalised theft by a bunch of legalised thieves. A big brother orwellian proposal and a totalitarian nightmare that would effectively make every working person a state employee overnight.
They will soon be issuing Beer Tokens after you have filled in a twenty page assessment to prove you are not a binge drinker, fat people would, after a medical by the Government Quacks be issued vouchers for healthy food only, car drivers, after a retest costing £60 deducted from the wages that the taxman already has, and filling in a risk assessment costing £30 on the car they drive, could cut greenhouse gasses by only being issued enough petrol vouchers to get to work and back plus one shopping trip. .
But MPs because of their special position in society would be exempt, so would royalty, so would business leaders and contributors to party funding of course...
They make communist China sound good. These Government institutions are there to serve us, yet they are hellbent on enslavement.Atricle is here
Saturday, 18 September 2010
So, let's just step back a moment and look at sentencing in general:-
- Raping a woman nets a perpetrator 2 to 6 years,
- Murder nets maybe 6 to 10 years,
- Stealing from the socialist government and you will never see the light of day....
The Law is an Ass and nothing has changed since the Middle Ages.
Friday, 17 September 2010
Monday, 13 September 2010
HMRC - we can rely on these useless shower of bastards for more blunders in the future.
Monday, 6 September 2010
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
All nine were based at an HM Revenue and Customs contact centre in Belfast, where they had access to computerised national benefits records.
article is here.
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
What happened to the adage that those who have nothing to hide have nothing to fear?
Monday, 9 August 2010
HM Revenue and Customs challenged the legality of Portsmouth's Company Voluntary Agreement, the means by which the Championship club will attempt to settle their debts.
"I propose to find in favour of the company administrators and dismiss the application of HMRC," said Mr Justice Mann.
HMRC argued it was owed £13million more than the £24million value put on its claim. The administrators disputed the accuracy of the taxman's figures and assessments, and today the judge ruled in their favour.
HMRC committed a foul in their own penalty box and kicked the ball into their own goal. At least play the game properly.
article in the Telegraph here
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
So, you have now started to dig up graves to search the dead who have been buried for tax they owe. Really? Are you really that hungry for cash?
Your lord and master Dave Hartnett is reported to have said: "“Tax evasion isn’t a victimless crime. But we’re getting better at catching cheats. It’s not worth the risk.”
Well Dave, I would advise you to keep your grave location a secret you scum-sucking, greedy, ruthless, cunt of a wanker.
See article here.
Monday, 26 July 2010
Really? And what did he do to earn such a fee when normal businesses cannot get what they're owed from you? you wankers!
Revenue & Customs paid senior official Singh the six figure sum for the period 19 June 2009 to 18 September 2009, accounts filed by the tax office show.
Singh had a three year contract at HMRC earning £160,000 per annum, ending in June last year. However, for three months from 19 June to 18 September, HMRC paid Singh £149,500 through his company Orwell Consulting.
Can I set up Cromwell Consulting and bill you for consultancy on Kittel? you know you need it.
Listed under "Third party payments for services of a senior manager", HMRC's accounts show £149,500 was paid to Orwell Consulting Ltd "for the services of Deepak Singh (a director of that company) who held the position of Acting Chief Information Officer".
You fucking what? Third party payments? Your dumb accountant should know that this term has been outlawed even if 3rd party payments are still legal.
Singh said he informed the tax office of his daily rate and it was "willing" to pay it, according to reports. HMRC's decision to allow Singh to be paid through his consultancy business would have substantially cut the former CIO's tax liabilities. Singh is liable for corporation tax of up to 28%, significantly lower than the higher-rate of income tax of 40%. HMRC is reported as saying it will ensure no tax is avoided as a result of the arrangement.
So what is good for the goose is not good for gander in the dictatorship world of HMRC?
See the article here
Thursday, 22 July 2010
Well Georgie boy, we wouldn't quite describe it as a bowl of spaghetti. You see, with spaghetti, you can gently pull a string and untangle each one quite easily. It's also very fragile and easy to break - bit like the UK economy.
The tax system, with its 11,000 page booklet is more like a ribbish tip, where shit has been dumped every day for the last 5 years and shovelling shit on a monumental scale is a lot harder than untangling a bit of spaghetti with your fingers. Good luck!
A good solution would be to set fire to the whole thing, burn it to the ground and start again. Got a match?
Article can be found on the BBC here.
Saturday, 17 July 2010
So whilst this problem still exists, I would be ever so grateful if you would allow my supply to be zero-rated where I only need to pay the net values. I will forward you the supplier details.
Can you please confirm to my supplier that "Danger Mouse needs legal certainty urgently and that they are entitled to offset or circumvent the concept of fiscal neutraility" on this occasion. This would alleviate my suppliers legal obligations and give him the legal certainty as well.
Monday, 12 July 2010
I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean (I love a good classic) and a particular line stood out when Miss Turner brought up the pirate code of ethics with Captain Barbossa. His response was chilling!
Barbossa: First, your return to shore was not part of our negotiations nor our agreement so I must do nothing. And secondly, you must be a pirate for the pirate’s code to apply and you’re not. And thirdly, the code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules. Welcome aboard the Black Pearl , Miss Turner .
remind you of anything? A certain NOTICE 726 perhaps?
Well blow me down with a feather!
Friday, 9 July 2010
I might be onto something here. I note that you've caught someone called Shakeel Ahmed and locked him up for some massive vat scam. I guess having luxury flats and houses, along with fast cars and enough money to build tower blocks in Dubai was somewhat of an indicator? Perhaps. Article in Telegraph here
Detective Inspector Shakeel Ahmed
Is that a coincidence? Hmmm.
If you Google the name, there are 292,000 links. On a balance of probabilities, you will find more Shakeel Ahmeds to arrest if you start digging.
For starters, you might want to consider questioning Shakeel Ahmed, the cricketer for Pakistan. Even though he's retired from Cricket, he might be up to something.
Now that I've told you about this, you have a means to know. If anymore Shakeel Ahmeds pop up doing bad things, everyone will know that you ought to have known.
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
HMRC have launched their own Scavenger Act 2010. When you die, they will gather around your corpse and after stealing your shoes, they will search your pockets before feasting on your flesh. After they have had their fill, they will then search your house and your bank for more of the same. (ofcourse, they have justified this as 'checking out your tax position')
Be sure to warn your family that they can only grieve your death for a maximum of 7 days whilst the vultures circle. After this period, they will swoop down and descend upon your assets. You can check out the article by clicking here.
You have to give HMRC some credit. They make scum-sucking sound good!
Sunday, 4 July 2010
And why? Because David Beckham (a sportsman) happened to be there (at a major sporting event). How fucking dare he?
Forget the blindingly obvious facts that
a) Germany scored 4 goals and England scored 1. (ok 2). I thought that this was the reason that they lost?
b) Murray was beaten by a better opponent Nadal. Fair and square. When the big points came, Nadal held his nerve and Murray didnt. I thought that this was the reason that he lost?
Forget about the actual players and the fact that they didn’t play good enough, its all David Beckham’s fault because he was there in person:- (in the crowd, supporting and cheering England) – JSL can be applied to him.
As a sportsman, he should now not be allowed to attend, interfere, have any interest in, do business in any kind or type of sporting activity because he is jointly and severally liable for England’s recent sporting failures.
HMRC apply this JSL scheme to the business world. i.e. if you happen to be connected (even at a long distance) if a trader defaults, then you will also be blamed for their failure. This diseased and irrational concept is spreading. The Telegraph are now suggesting it.
JSL however, is nothing new. It goes all the way back to Adam and Eve when the two of them were held jointly liable because of the serpants temptations.
See the Telegraph article here.
Saturday, 3 July 2010
Friday, 2 July 2010
Wednesday, 30 June 2010
Her phone bills, her IT bills, her business costs are all being withheld by HMRC. She then got a solicitor to sort this out and they wont even pay the vat back on those bills either! She is stuffed.
I am going to Wales to stay with her for a week. I'm sorry I cannot assist you with any secret missions until then, but this cannot be helped Chief. I think Leslie Strathie is behind all of this.
Tuesday, 29 June 2010
Today I have intercepted a transmission between Baron Greenback (aka Geoff Lewis) and Blofeld.
I have confirmed the authenticity of this transcript through our high-tech voice recognition system. Here are the details of their rather disturbing conversation.
Does justice no longer need to prevail? Are you really in cahoots with the Judges so the companies you have accused cannot get any justice?
Blofeld cannot be allowed to get away with this. Why are you letting him? Maybe I need to reach out to 007?
Monday, 28 June 2010
As you know, Baron Silas Greenback is my sworn enemy. I must do all I can to stop him from destroying the planet and trying to take over the world.
The Baron is currently working undercover in HMRC and goes by the name of Geoff Lewis. You really can't miss him. He's a green toad with a wheezy voice and carries a white fluffy caterpillar as his pet.
Please be careful. No doubt he has already deployed a number of his henchmen throughout HMRC.