Thursday, 24 March 2011

HMRC's Granny Bashing Antics

Dear HMRC,

I don't believe that anyone who is not working and is of pensionable age should be paying tax at all, however your hard-as-nails debt collectors have managed to threaten to visit the home of a frail 95-year-old widow and confiscate her possessions, even though she has paid too much tax.

The letter warned: 'We are arranging a visit to your house. We will view your possessions and list those that we will sell at auction. We strongly advise you to avoid this as it will cost you much more to pay this way and can be embarrassing.'

Ironic really as it turns out that the embarrassment is all HMRC's - again! It's been plastered all over the internet here, here and here for the world to witness your tough stance on old people.

If you insist on bullying old and vulnerable widows because they are easy targets - at least make damn sure that they actually owe you money.


Saturday, 19 March 2011



"We live in a country which is committed to the rule of law. Central to that commitment is that justice is done in public - that what goes on in court and what the courts decide is open to scrutiny1. This is not a new fundamental principle. In 1829, for instance, Bayley J in Daubney v Cooper said this,

‘. . . we are all of the opinion, that it is one of the essential qualities of a Court of Justice that its proceedings should be in public, and that all parties who may be desirous of hearing what is going on, if there be room in the place for that purpose, - provided they do not interrupt the proceedings and provided there is no specific reason why they should be removed – have the right to be present for the purpose of hearing what is going on

The full report is right here....

Until Legal certainty is given back and tribunal decisions are not blatantly biased and bigoted, I remain of the view that there is no rule of law, or the rule of law applies to some and not others.

So when I think of a Judge doing "justice", I still see this...........,

Friday, 18 March 2011

Cutting HMRC's Red Tape

The Telegraph has launched a campaign to cut through red tape. So, for all you poor bastards stuck on 'extended verification' for a vat return that you submitted donkeys years ago, then do something about it.

Email: and tell them all about extended verification. I defy anyone to find a better example of extreme red tape.

Do it. You have nothing to lose. HMRC is now known for their incompetence, so the timing is perfect.

Customs raids - Massive FAIL

Dear HMRC,
It has been reported by the BBC that Customs officers raided 20 premises in Witney, Banbury and Watlington on 9 and 10 March.

Apprantley, 57,000 cigarettes, 2.9 kilos of tobacco and a car were siezed to stop the storage and sale of tobacco where no duty has been paid.

HMRC told the press that the tax 'evaded' on the seized products was about £12,000 and that no-one was arrested during the raids.

OK - so riddle me this....

A whopping 20 premises were raised and £12,000 of unpaid duty uncovered.... really? Only £12,000? When the CIA uncover a crime, they usually wait until the opportune moment before pouncing for maximum impact and usually make sure they capture the kingpin.

Twenty premises, £12,000 of unpaid duty and no-one was captured? Oh come on! What you gonna do now? - arrest the buildings?

So, to summarise...... 20 premises at a moment in time where the buildings were unoccupied by anyone and £12,000 of alleged unpaid duty. If no-one was in the buildings, how do you know the duty is unpaid?

It seems to me that someone very dumb, who has no patience decided to get gung-ho and charge in for his ego-fix too early. Self restraint is important yet lacking in all respects.

One big FAIL. You should beg the BBC to withdraw this 'news' because its very embarassing for your already battered image.

And yes... I can talk. I am Dangermouse.


Thursday, 17 March 2011

Tax Chaos Limps on at HMRC

Dear Mike,

Thank you for going on record to clarify that you need until 2013 to stop the chaos in the tax system. Considering you launched HMRC in 2005 and it became a monumental shitpile by 2008 and has been limping on for three further years since, what difference does two more years make?

Here are four basic things you should think about. Perhaps then, the bucket loads of incompetence by inept morons in your office might just stop. As shit flows downhill, you dear Commissioner, are responsible.

HMRC cannot tell the difference between a 'taxpayer' and 'customer'
HMRC don't understand the difference between 'tax-avoidance' and 'tax-evasion'
HMRC don't give 'legal certainty' and break the rules of 'fiscal neutrality'
HMRC abuse their own employees and the taxpayers.

Try having a go at fixing these four points and the department might.... just might start to gain some respect.

Until then Mike, HMRC remains a pile of steaming shit held in contempt by their own employees and every taxpayer who has to endure the stench when they open your letters.


Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Above the law - dont you know?

Dear HMRC,

You poor wee bastards have taken so much shite lately. Now it seems that the Treasury Select Committee are taking away your some of your favourite toys.

"HMRC's powers should be limited and should be subject to reasonable challenge in the courts. The public interest in ensuring that HMRC is not sole arbiter of the law overrides the interest in certainty."

Now I know that HMRC are above the law in their domain. I know you've been abusing the taxpayers and your own employees. I know that any private company found doing this would have their balls chopped. But..... that shouldn't apply to you because you are above the law.

Good luck with bashing the shit out of taxpayers for 2011. Remember.... the rules dont apply to you.

Monday, 24 January 2011

Taxwoman steals 60K from Taxman

HMRC have a duty to protect the Revenue and nowadays - themselves as well.

A TAX officer, Elizabeth Gibson swindled her employer HM Revenue and Customs out of £58,042 by making false claims for dead relatives and people who didn't exist.

It took her seven years to get £58k. What a genius she is. The MPs can manage that in one expenses return.

Article here.

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

HMRC Greed or Desperation?

HMRC are telling businesses to get out their credit cards. "Cough up for us and max out your credit cards"

The article in the Telegraph is here, but since when do HMRC give this sort of 'tax advice'? Is this a new legislation or another made up policy they are surprising people with?

Desperation or greed? I say its both. In any case, don't pay them anything. Starve this beast. Paying tax is a two way street. They dont honour repayments, so they cant have tax. Here's an idea - offset it you cunts.

Businesses should complain to their MPs about HMRC again and again and again. Keep complaining until their ears bleed and they have to act and do something about this draconian monster.

Saturday, 13 November 2010

Time to Cough Up

Dear HMRC,

Someone has contacted me and requested clarification on smoking. Are you planning to increase the duty of cigarettes depending on size?
Apparantly, HMRC will from January 2011 treat any cigarette longer than 8cm (excluding the tip) as a separate cigarette and in a further crackdown, any cigarette which is a further 3cm above the 8cm, will be treated as a third cigarette. Meaning any cigarette 12cm or longer will be treated as three cigarettes, not one. A normal cigarette excluding the tip is 6cm in length.

you fucking what? - which bean counting figure fucker conjured up this shite?

Unfortunately, as my reader currently smokes 30-40 a day, they cannot afford to pay twice or sometimes three times as much and are making plans to take regular trips to Amsterdam in 2011.

I'm no fucking expert but.., do you really want to drive the smoking population out of this country like you have done to the business sector? Will you only be happy when you can see the tumbleweed rolling across the streets? Are you part of Agenda 21's depopulation strategy? I hear that people are even refusing to be buried in the UK now because of your grave digging antics.

You know, if you actually just collected what you are supposed to collect without fucking it up, you wouldn't need to resort to such low life, scum sucking levels of tyrannical behaviour. But hey, fuck them - innit?

Yours sincerely,


Wednesday, 10 November 2010

They're in Cahoots

Yes folks, have a good look at this picture. We are the sheep that have been herded around in whatever direction that HMRC and Kangaroo Courts have seen fit. There are also wolves in sheep's clothing within our pack known as Solictors, Advisors and Barristers. I'm sure some wolves are ok(ish), but overall, you get the general picture.

Great picture stolen from Old Holborn's place.

Monday, 8 November 2010

Extended Verification is Bollocks

The asswipes over at HMRC have been ordered (by the powers that be) that extended verification needs to be executed. Who knows why? Who cares?

In order to protect yourselves, if you haven't already, do the following;

1. Complain about extended or the legal certainty element. Although it is a complete charade and the complaints department is cross protective of itself, it may help to gather these documents.
2. After you reach the end of their shitty complaints procedure, you will be directed to the Adjudicator. Dont expect much from this shambles - the Adjudictor has been recruited by HMRC to check on itself. That's real impartial stuff isn't it?

3. Whilst your complaint is with the Adjudicator, contact your local MP and ask for their help with regards to the Parliamentary Ombudsman. They will send you a form, or write to HMRC, or both.

4. Once the Adjudicator does the cross-protecting thing and sticks up for HMRC with no real argument, you can then take your case to the Parliamentary Ombudsman.

At the end of it all - I bet you get a decision?

Friday, 5 November 2010

Bernadette Kenny leaving HMRC

PAYE misChief Bernadette Kenny is leaving HMRC.

An HMRC spokesman said: "Bernadette Kenny, director general personal tax, is leaving HMRC at the end of January after 5 years with the department. "Bernadette who has been a civil servant for 30 years, has decided that she would like to pursue other career opportunities.

Translation:- Bernadette Kenny is beyond useless and has fantastically failed in her job affecting over 6 million people which must be a record. She therefore needs to consider going into something else. Let's all keep an eye on which new authority will recruit her at the taxpayer's expense.

For the sake of the British Taxpayers and the greater good, she needs to just go home and stay there, making whatever mistakes she wants in her own kitchen.
Incompetent cow.

Article is here

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

HMRC says NO to Legal Certainty

Click on the image to read it. Here is a fantastic example of sheer arrogance and disregard of the law from HMRC.

"HMRC is not able to provide the legal certainty you demand"

You what? I was not aware that there are different degrees or levels of legal certainty? Is the legal certainty requested different to any other? Either HMRC give legal certainty or they do not.

"HMRC must have the freedom to respond quickly to changing scenarios and their right to do so has been granted in law"

Bullshit. What about fairness, justice, rights, proportionality and legal certainty - all of these are missing in HMRC? Where does it say in law that these do not apply?

"HMRC are satisfied that their methods are legal and indeed have been successful where their methods have been challenged in the courts"

By their own admission, companies on extended are not able to challenge their process in the courts because no decision has been reached. (Other than a Judicial Review which we all know, HMRC make decisions on the doorstep). Each case is different with varying points of law and circumstances and HMRC should not be applying this sentence broadly (in this context) where legal certainty has been infringed.

If anyone else has any more examples of breathtaking arrogance from HMRC, then do get in touch so we can expose their contradictions and tyranny. Email me

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Another Seminar...Same shit, same people, different company name

Oh Yipeee, there is another Seminar being held called "Tactics for Success" by BTG Tax (the same people from Vantis)

Although I would love to attend to see what shit shovelling exercise is now being fed to us, I would prefer to actually shovel real shit instead.

Bottom line:- Since the ruling at the Court of Appeal and during this 'interim' period between that and the Supreme Court, the biased and bigoted Tribunals are working on the balance of probabilities. With developing jurisprudence continuing on (because the law is an actual fucking ass), it would be better to keep your case on a slow burner until some fucking cunt actually applies the rule of law.

There is no point in pleading a case when there is no rule of law and your fate is decided on a balance of probabilities shrouded in opinion with no factual evidence.

Your solicitors and advisors will not tell you this. Seminar details here