Tax Chaos Limps on at HMRC

Dear Mike,

Thank you for going on record to clarify that you need until 2013 to stop the chaos in the tax system. Considering you launched HMRC in 2005 and it became a monumental shitpile by 2008 and has been limping on for three further years since, what difference does two more years make?

Here are four basic things you should think about. Perhaps then, the bucket loads of incompetence by inept morons in your office might just stop. As shit flows downhill, you dear Commissioner, are responsible.

HMRC cannot tell the difference between a 'taxpayer' and 'customer'
HMRC don't understand the difference between 'tax-avoidance' and 'tax-evasion'
HMRC don't give 'legal certainty' and break the rules of 'fiscal neutrality'
HMRC abuse their own employees and the taxpayers.

Try having a go at fixing these four points and the department might.... just might start to gain some respect.

Until then Mike, HMRC remains a pile of steaming shit held in contempt by their own employees and every taxpayer who has to endure the stench when they open your letters.

DM

Taxwoman steals 60K from Taxman

HMRC have a duty to protect the Revenue and nowadays - themselves as well.

A TAX officer, Elizabeth Gibson swindled her employer HM Revenue and Customs out of £58,042 by making false claims for dead relatives and people who didn't exist.

It took her seven years to get £58k. What a genius she is. The MPs can manage that in one expenses return.

Article here.

They're in Cahoots

Yes folks, have a good look at this picture. We are the sheep that have been herded around in whatever direction that HMRC and Kangaroo Courts have seen fit. There are also wolves in sheep's clothing within our pack known as Solictors, Advisors and Barristers. I'm sure some wolves are ok(ish), but overall, you get the general picture.


Great picture stolen from Old Holborn's place.

The problem with Gremlins

HMCE and IR as separate entities were indeed wankers in their own right, but they were good wankers who abided by the rule of law.

Unfortunately (for us), the merger of these two units into HMRC has spawned these units into a destructive, evil monster that unleashes a horde of malevolently mischievous monsters on towns and cities across the country. That is where HMRC is today.

So with the news that a PCG poll found that 71 per cent of its members feel that HMRC should be spilt into two divisions, one for revenue and one for customs, this is welcoming news for the UK population and fantastic news for the economy.

Do it, do it, do it!!!!

Article is here.

Soviet Britain Launches New Slavery Scheme

Read it and weep.

Firms could be forced to send employees’ pay directly to the Government first so that officials can deduct the right amount of tax before earnings can be banked. Plans to replace the Pay As You Earn system – where companies calculate and withhold tax themselves – come after HM Revenue and Customs admitted billions of pounds are not being collected. Officials believe a more centralised system could help eradicate the current problem where nearly 10 per cent of cash owed to the Exchequer goes unpaid.

This is legalised theft by a bunch of legalised thieves. A big brother orwellian proposal and a totalitarian nightmare that would effectively make every working person a state employee overnight.

They will soon be issuing Beer Tokens after you have filled in a twenty page assessment to prove you are not a binge drinker, fat people would, after a medical by the Government Quacks be issued vouchers for healthy food only, car drivers, after a retest costing £60 deducted from the wages that the taxman already has, and filling in a risk assessment costing £30 on the car they drive, could cut greenhouse gasses by only being issued enough petrol vouchers to get to work and back plus one shopping trip. .

But MPs because of their special position in society would be exempt, so would royalty, so would business leaders and contributors to party funding of course...

They make communist China sound good. These Government institutions are there to serve us, yet they are hellbent on enslavement.

Atricle is here

The Law is an Ass - Part 2

These two are back in the press again. Apparantly, they couldn't find the 93 million pounds each needed to avoid being sentenced. They are now serving 10 years on top totalling 17 years.

So, let's just step back a moment and look at sentencing in general:-

• Raping a woman nets a perpetrator 2 to 6 years,


• Murder nets maybe 6 to 10 years,


• Stealing from the socialist government and you will never see the light of day....

I'm not condoning crime of any sort, but logic dictates that sentencing should be 'just' under a 'justice system'. It seems that if you kill thy neighbour, your sentence will be more lenient and if you fuck with the state, they will throw away the key. Money holds more importance than blood to these people.

The Law is an Ass and nothing has changed since the Middle Ages.

Racist taxmen sacked

Oh dear. **sigh**

Seven taxmen have been sacked for deliberately underpaying child benefit to ethnic minority families.

Two other workers quit when an investigation was launched earlier this year.

All nine were based at an HM Revenue and Customs contact centre in Belfast, where they had access to computerised national benefits records.

*** it beggars belief that such an investigation is taken so seriously when its against the child benefit payments to non-nationals when the UK public and UK businesses are being discriminated against in such a bad way, it is worse than racism ***

Oh well, at least the non-nationals are getting what they are due even if the nationals aren't.

article is here.

Precautionary Pre-action Protocol

Dear HMRC,

I desperately need to get some supplies over to Colonel K who is in Denmark at the moment. I have located the equipment needed which is not zero-rated for vat. This is a big shame as I know that Baron Greenback aka Geoff Lewis is still undercover in HMRC destroying businesses.

So whilst this problem still exists, I would be ever so grateful if you would allow my supply to be zero-rated where I only need to pay the net values. I will forward you the supplier details.

Can you please confirm to my supplier that "Danger Mouse needs legal certainty urgently and that they are entitled to offset or circumvent the concept of fiscal neutraility" on this occasion. This would alleviate my suppliers legal obligations and give him the legal certainty as well.

I promise not to tell anyone.

Yours truly,

DM

Shiver me Timbers..

Dear HMRC,

I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean (I love a good classic) and a particular line stood out when Miss Turner brought up the pirate code of ethics with Captain Barbossa. His response was chilling!

Barbossa: First, your return to shore was not part of our negotiations nor our agreement so I must do nothing. And secondly, you must be a pirate for the pirate’s code to apply and you’re not. And thirdly, the code is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules. Welcome aboard the Black Pearl , Miss Turner .

remind you of anything? A certain NOTICE 726 perhaps?

Commissioners: First, your vat return repayment was not part of our negotiations nor our agreement so we must do nothing. And secondly, you must be a trader for Notice 726 to apply. And thirdly, the notice is more what you'd call "guidelines" than actual rules. Welcome aboard Extended verification, you chump.

Well blow me down with a feather!

DM

Investigate all Shakeel Ahmeds

Dear HMRC,

I might be onto something here. I note that you've caught someone called Shakeel Ahmed and locked him up for some massive vat scam. I guess having luxury flats and houses, along with fast cars and enough money to build tower blocks in Dubai was somewhat of an indicator? Perhaps. Article in Telegraph here

Syed Ahmed, left, and Shakeel Ahmad, right

Anyway, I digress. Detective Inspector Shakeel Ahmed was also arrested last year on suspicion of money laundering and fraud. After a series of raids on homes and businesses, Police uncovered £150,000 in cash, a staggering 14 top-of-the-range cars that had been abandoned as well as jewellery and a suspected cannabis farm. The cars taken included a Maserati, a BMW X5 and a Jaguar XKR. The operation took place in Agbrig, West Yorkshire, where the senior cop lives, and also nearby Sandal. Article here

Detective Inspector Shakeel Ahmed

Is that a coincidence? Hmmm.

If you Google the name, there are 292,000 links. On a balance of probabilities, you will find more Shakeel Ahmeds to arrest if you start digging.

For starters, you might want to consider questioning Shakeel Ahmed, the cricketer for Pakistan. Even though he's retired from Cricket, he might be up to something.

Now that I've told you about this, you have a means to know. If anymore Shakeel Ahmeds pop up doing bad things, everyone will know that you ought to have known.

HMRC's New Scavenger Act 2010

Did you believe that when you die, you are free from the ball and chain and pile of shit that is bestowed upon you by your government? Well, think again, because you still have to pay tax when you are DEAD.

HMRC have launched their own Scavenger Act 2010. When you die, they will gather around your corpse and after stealing your shoes, they will search your pockets before feasting on your flesh. After they have had their fill, they will then search your house and your bank for more of the same. (ofcourse, they have justified this as 'checking out your tax position')

Be sure to warn your family that they can only grieve your death for a maximum of 7 days whilst the vultures circle. After this period, they will swoop down and descend upon your assets. You can check out the article by clicking here.

You have to give HMRC some credit. They make scum-sucking sound good!

DANGER: Operation Geoff Lewis Deployed

Dear HMRC,

As you know, Baron Silas Greenback is my sworn enemy. I must do all I can to stop him from destroying the planet and trying to take over the world.

The Baron is currently working undercover in HMRC and goes by the name of Geoff Lewis. You really can't miss him. He's a green toad with a wheezy voice and carries a white fluffy caterpillar as his pet.

Please be careful. No doubt he has already deployed a number of his henchmen throughout HMRC.

I am sending in Agent 57 to neutralise him.

DM

HMRC officer jailed for stealing £85k from taxpayers

Dear HMRC,

Oh dear! One of your lot has been jailed for stealing money from taxpayers and pocketing it. Didn't anyone tell him he is supposed to steal it and hand it over to you? He could have avoided jail altogether. Sack the person who trained him. He clearly didn't get the right message across to your employee!

I have to admit, it was a surprise when I read this. Who is this Joff Parsons bloke and which dumbass gave him the anal jobtitle of Head of HMRC's internal governance criminal investigations?

Fancy saying:- "Corruption amongst our staff is rare and will not be tolerated."

This means that they rarely catch anyone so carry on people. Joff Parsons is an incompetent fool.

There are still some private sector businesses you havent screwed and fucked over yet. Please just stop them trading as soon as possible. The country needs to be driven into the shithole and HMRC is the only organisation capable of doing it. It's all down to you!

Also, some pensioners in my area are suffering from dementia. It would be a good opportunity to send some officers around to penalise them for something or other. Fuck it - just make up something and get a few hundred quid out of them. Who cares? They are old, fragile and extremely vulnerable which is your target market. By the time they realise and try and do something about it, chances are they will be dead.

Good luck HMRC. As ever, I am rooting for you and wish you every success in your money collecting endeavours.

Yours sincerely,

DM

EmployerTalk 2010

Dear HMRC,

I was not overly surprised when I opened and read your leaflet and discovered your plans to hold sessions at Ascot Racecourse. This is typical of public sector buffoons like yourselves to find lavish events to dictate your 11th century draconian policies.

Not only are you a shambles as an organisation, but you must lead very miserable lives as your mission seems to be deploying the most nasty, evil-minded, aggressive and downright disgusting policies known to mankind. You should be awarded for that.

HMRC are a diseased organisation that needs medical attention; here are some suggestions and tips you should seriously consider.

Remove those three useless buffoons running HMRC. They suck at their jobs and cant even keep their staff happy. The dictatorship comes from them.
Dave Hartnett is an overfed and overpaid wanker who is too busy wining and dining and growing his belly. Leslie Strathie is an unqualified busy body who has no idea about the real world. There’s another overpaid part-timer tosser who is so part-time I cannot even remember his name! Who is he and what does he do?

Remove the box-ticking, paper-shuffling, pen-pushing bureaucrats. The Labour Party is gone now and there is no need for these morons to be there. They are full of their own self-importance and ego, fuelled by the miniscule power they are given from above.

Dissecting your departments would also be a good start. Clearly, HMRC cant tell the difference between an arse and an elbow. I guess that is a symptom of merging HMCE and Inland Revenue together. Like any doomed marriage, this one will end in divorce or keep limping on in denial of the inevitable. Are you throwing printers and phones at each other yet?

Oh and finally, stop calling us customers you idiots. NHS have patients, MPs have constituents and you have taxpayers. No wonder you lot are fucked. You dont even realise that!

Stop sending me your shit. I dont want it and the less I have to do with you lot, the happier my life is.

Yours sincerely,

DM