Dear HMRC,
This is quite embarassing but I need your help. It has been reported that you have been getting your staff to log all toilet breaks into spreadsheets. You should have about two years worth of toilet-taking data by now. I wondered if you planned to publish the stats anytime soon and if there were any particular findings.
I guess forcing those hapless cretins to drink less would have yielded some benefits. Have you produced any graphs at all? Can you split these results into gender, age, length of service and hours worked overall? You could probably sell this information to the private sector who could minimise their risk of recruiting excessive piss-taking cunts. (like the ones you seem to be lumbered with)
I am interested in this because I have a problem with my bladder. The doc has asked me to keep a record every time I take the piss. You immediately came to mind. I want to see what profile type of piss taker I am.
Any help with this would be as ever, greatly appreciated.
DM
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